Twelve Hilarious Statements Made in Court
The moment you realise you paid too much for your legal council.
If you ever committed a crime, you would hope to be represented by a competent lawyer. Unfortunately, even the most professional though may have made a few mistakes in their time.
Of course, it is not just lawyers who make mistakes but expert witnesses and defendants. Here are twelve hilarious exchanges in court.
LAWYER: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
LAWYER: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
LAWYER: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
LAWYER: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town, I'm going with male.
LAWYER: What happened then?
WITNESS: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
LAWYER: Did he kill you?
LAWYER: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
LAWYER: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
LAWYER: Did you check for blood pressure?
LAWYER: Did you check for breathing?
LAWYER: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
LAWYER: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
LAWYER: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
OTHER LAWYER: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
LAWYER: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
LAWYER: And these stairs, did they go up also?
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
Can you imagine spending all that money to qualify as a professional only to ask a question like this. I hope you have enjoyed this lighter look at true-crime.